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May. 4th, 2016

nice things.

A new start

I am starting a new relationship with LJ today.  It has been almost 6 years since I posted my last entry.  Since then - so much has occurred.  My husband and I have been able to work through relationship problems, he has become a more helpful and caring person.  We moved to Atlanta, GA.  During the most recent viewing of the Oscar's I experienced a trigger and had a break down.  When I was young, I was sexually assaulted by my great uncle.  Since then, I have not been able to be intimate with my husband, have had PTSD responses which have included accusing my husband of assaulting me after I initiated sex that I didn't remember and I was sober the entire time.

I have seeked out professional treatment, but sometimes I will be using this to get out personal thoughts.   Because of the family dynamic, I can't share this in any public domain where family has access.
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Oct. 29th, 2010

nice things.

(no subject)

Yesterday, Wednesday, was the worst day of my life.

I am not ready to share all the details, but right now, I have a broken nose, Joe was in jail for a few hours, and my marriage may be gone. I say may, only because I have been telling Joe for quite some time he needed to seek medical help for several problems he recognizes he has. He has not, but if he does, and changes himself, and how he handles life, then we may be together.

If not, I will be getting a divorce.

I am at my parents, so no one worry, my safety is not in jeopardy. Joe came over today and saw Elijah for about an hour, and was very civil, but said something things to me that I could not respect. A lot needs to be done for me to consider even moving back home.

Additionally, do you know how much a fucking broken nose hurts? A LOT.

Please do not preach about leaving him. I am not staying with the Joseph of current. I will stay with the Joseph who can love me, and treat me, and respect me, and never puts a hand or fist near me.

Sep. 18th, 2010

nice things.

Writer's Block: Fall Footwear

Are you a boot person or a shoe person? Why?

I only wear shoes.  Flats.  Love my flats.

Sep. 16th, 2010

nice things.

My emotional breaking point.

I hit my wall yesterday. My emotional straining point with wedding planning. Fifteen days and I hit it.

I hit it because one of my great friends from Pittsburgh replied to my friendly reminder for the RSVP. He responded that he wasn't sure if he and his partner would be able to make it. It wasn't the concern that he wouldn't make it. He had a great reason. He is trying to make a trip down to see his very sick grandmother in South Carolina, who I have known was sick since May-ish. Unfortunately my friend's partner works for the IRS, and getting time off... not easy. I hit my wall because I wanted the time off not to come through, because that meant he could come see me, and I was being selfish. And not because I felt like he shouldn't go see his grandmother.

But because I feel like everyone else who has RSVP'ed no and given a reason has had very shitty reasons.

I literally got an RSVP back from a girl I have been friends with since Jr. High say she couldn't make it because work has a party that night. People won't be attending because they are going to a Football game the next day. They just went on a trip. What gets me is these people have had the STD cards since January. Request off, tell them you had well preplanned plans.

But don't try to sound so sincere to me, in an email, on an RSVP, or in a phone call/text that says you can't make it for some BS reason you could have changed.

I went over to my mom's and I was talking to her about it and I started to cry again. My mom made a great point "the people who want to be there, and are important will be there."

Yes, but some of those who WANT to be and are IMPORTANT, can't.

I can't really post this in the wedding plans community because I think people will blow it way out of proportion, and I am just not interested in that. I just need to vent.

Sep. 11th, 2010

nice things.

WHAT!

So today, me and Elijah went to Target and I got one of their little bags of popcorn, for us to share. We got it around 2 and have been munching since then.

We are towards the bottom of the bag and I poured about 1/2 into his bowl. I am snacking on the other half of the remainder. He grabbed it looks into the bag, and poured the remainder into his bowl and looks in the bag and says "all done" and hands it back to me.

I just sat there mouth wide, in shock.

He just laughed at me.

What kind of child have I raised?!?! Wanted to share the moment.

Sep. 5th, 2010

nice things.

Week of awful... day 98...

So Tuesday night was the craziness of Joe's parents. I thought that was how bad the week could get. WELL No... actually I wasn't. I woke up Wednesday to Joe explaining he talked to his father, and his father may be getting a divorce, and they won't be attending the wedding. WONDERFUL. I didn't at all feel responsible for the first part, but I was really pissed about the second. Just what I was concerned about. They were backing out of the wedding and the rehearsal dinner. So I called my mom explained what happened. All the while I have a splitting headache. Headaches happen for me when I get stressed. My body responded by basically being completely achy and tired. SO ANGRY. My mom said Patty wasn't invited after I explained when/what she said about me being a whore....

Well my mom came and picked me up, and I spent the night at my parents. Good thing because I just got progressively worse. My mom states she will take care of the rehearsal dinner, and apparently while I was sleeping for 22 of 24 hours on Wednesday they took care of stuff. I woke up Thursday, and thankfully the headache was gone. I still felt tired and sore however.

But then there was something new on Thursday. I had a sore throat. Great right?!?! Well by Thursday night/Friday morning I had a stuffy nose, congestion in my chest and a slightly sore throat. Well that is what I had through Saturday as well.

Today... the awesome keeps going... I have poison ivy. Now this wouldn't be bad, but I am the person who gets poison and it COVERS MY BODY quickly and the only way it goes away is with steriod medication. I wish I was kidding.

So this has been the most awful week. I haven't been to school, or guard, and I have just been dealing with me and drama....

On good news I got to meet some of Joe's family, and it was awesome. His uncle Ricky (Whom I've meet before) is just great, and we had a greeting that was straight out of a movie..

So I am sitting with my back to the door outside, talking to his cousin Juli (Ricky's daughter) and he walks up and Juli asks if he has met Elijah, and he replies "Of course, I think I met him when he was about a month old." I kinda laughed and said, "it was more like a week old." He turned, and said "OH SHANA HI!!!!!" Lit up, came over and gave me a huge hug. Ricky was the first person on Joe's side to meet Elijah, besides his mom, and the only one who has been great to me and Elijah.

No one in Joe's family is like his father. Most of them are relaxed and calm. THANK GOODNESS.. And through all of this BS, Psycho has agreed to send Aeline to us for the wedding. It was the shining light.. partially throught the worst week ever!

Aug. 31st, 2010

nice things.

OH my EFFING GOD.

What the FUCK?!? ****RANT INCOMING****

So I get a call from Joe's dad, very pleasent. He wants to talk about the wedding. He called sometime between 7 and 8 and I didn't get done with guard till later. I actually left around 8:15 so i could spend some time with my parents, and Elijah. I haven't really seen Elijah a lot in the past two days, so I wanted to spend more time with him. So before I got to my parents house I called Joe and asked him to call David (Joe's dad) about what he needed. I got a call shortly after I left my parents -- around 9:15 from Joe. He had his dad and step mom on the line. Joe says they want to know how many people will be in from out of town on Friday night..

Honestly, no freaking answer to that. They have agreed to set up the rehearsal dinner and that has been set all along, but it was to be direct family (grandparents, parents, brothers and sisters) and attendants with their significant others. We did it this way because A. they are on a budget, B. we don't know when people are going to be arriving because most people will be able to come in the day of and make it on time, and C. if we invite all out of town guests the rehearsal dinner will be almost 100 people... not kidding here. That was the deal set TWO MONTHS ago, so I kinda start to get a little frustrated that I am explaining this again.

I hang up with Joe and I call David and Patty(stepmom) directly. Joe doesn't know too much about the arrangements because he works so much, he hasn't had a lot of time lately to be involved in it, and you can hear him getting frustrated with the same questions. Patty starts laying into me... how I am being rude, and its inappropriate, and on and on. Look, my family know its a budget thing, they understand. I don't think anyone will find it rude, or tacky... they will be enjoying themselves. David starts to get worked up, because Patty is now getting loud and yelling, and she has stopped listening. She is asking the same question over and over. Well, he starts to get loud with me, and in the background she starts blaming this shit on me. She asks why I can't call. LET ME TELL YOU WHY I CAN'T CALL YOU IDIOT. Monday through Friday I am at school or working with the band from 11A-9P. I get to spend one hour at home everyday, and I take that time to just sit with Elijah, eat a snack, and watch a TV show together (I think its usually some show about savannah animals). That is our time together. I get one hour of it a day. When I get home from band/school I put Elijah to bed, spend an hour relaxing usually catching up on the news, and then I start school work. I fall asleep IN my school work around 2 AM... then I start it all over again. Saturday and Sunday, I get reprieve but its just me and Elijah, so I take care of groceries, or other errands throughout the week I have neglected. Yes I could call then, but honestly, I had all this shit resolved by the beginning of August so I could use my weekends to myself. Not to spend time dealing with this.

She keeps going on, progressively yelling more and more, and not listening. She starts saying how RUDE we are being, and how INAPPROPRIATE we are. *eye rolls* I finally stop her and say listen, all of this was handled over a month ago for a reason, and I don't have time to deal with this. She says something about not being involved in any of that stuff, and I just broke and I said "THIS IS THE REASON YOU WEREN'T INVOLVED." She starts going off, and finally says "YOU PULLED ME OUT OF MY MOTHER'S WAKE AND I WON'T FORGIVE YOU FOR THAT."

Now let me take a side moment here. I had not attended the funeral because I cannot handle them. I am an atheist, and honestly the end of a life is very hard for me. Because to me, there isn't anything after that. When Joe's maternal grandmother died I went to the internment. I wept like a baby. I had never met the woman and I cried worse than Joe. So I didn't attend Patty's wake, and when Joe came to pick me up he asked Patty to come talk to me because I was very upset with the way she treated me and called me a whore. I did not ASK for Patty to come away. I actually told Joe I wouldn't do it then because she needed to deal with the family stuff. I even said that to her, but she and he agreed we should talk.

I was boiling at this point, and my whole body is shaking, and I am trying to drive, but it is just not working. I was at a stop light when she said that and thank goodness. I just screamed "YOU CALLED ME A WHORE AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THAT." I took a breath and said to David, "I am sorry. I thank you for the attempt you made, but I don't want your help anymore. I didn't want this to happen, and I am sorry it did, but I just can't handle this anymore." I am sure he tried to reply something about taking a breath, but I was about to cry and I wasn't going to let them hear that. I just yelled I didn't want the help anymore, and I hung up. I started shaking and crying, and I am so frustrated.

Why was this call even made to begin with in the first place?!?! All the actual information discussed was already discussed over 2 months ago!?!??! I sent him a calm email after I got home explaining everything that SHOULD have been discussed in the phone call, and advising that between me and him this was already resolved a month ago. I told him how he could get in touch with me, and how I can understand if he doesn't want to continue doing this, but in the case he continues to, I will not be speaking to her at all.

I am so upset, and I am so frustrated. I had intended to come home and do more schoolwork, and try to find a baker. But now I am ranting on because I just can't fathom why someone would start this shit up, when A. they were asked not to be involved in conversations... and have still inserted themselves and B. HAD ALL THE INFORMATION THEY WERE SO ANGRY THEY WEREN'T GETTING ANSWERS TO! Right now, Joe may not have any parents attending his wedding. I hate that. because of his stupid stepmother and his fucking jerk of a stepfather.

DAMNIT! I wish I had something more positive to post about. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Aug. 24th, 2010

nice things.

(no subject)

I haven't posted too much lately, at least since Aeline was here.

Elijah has started speaking more, which is awesome. We are up to a good 10-15 words I would venture. He has some two-three word phrases. But they are packaged. Like "there you are" is a phrase he can do, but he doesn't know how to say, "there" "you" or "are" by themselves. We have started speaking to him in two word sentences, so when I should be the one getting something, I say "mommy get". He has started getting this and sort of using it. It will say "help.. help" "mommmmmmm help" and I ask "mom get?" and he claps and shakes his head. We are getting so much more communication, and it has helped change his behavior. It is a great feeling, to not have constant meltdowns and freakouts when I don't understand him or he doesn't get me. We had a occupational therapist review, thinking we needed to consider him for autism review/therapy we scheduled the appointment, because he is still having a lot of sensory based concerns. They came in and resoundingly said he cannot be autistic. That day he was on the best behavior I had ever seen. But it is great to hear. As long as we keep with speech therapy, they are going to see him once a month to go over sensory concerns. Ways to get him stop toe walking, pocketing food, still mouthing EVERYTHING, and requiring certain pressure points to be met for sleep and relaxation. For example, he will not sleep on his belly anymore, or if he does not alone. He needs something pressed up against his back and side. So the easiest way for him to sleep is on his side with a pillow up against his back. This is the only way we have found that he will sleep alone. If he rolls on his belly, and he isn't yet fully asleep he will wake up.

School started yesterday, and I am apprehensive to say the least. I have 6 courses total. English, Cost Accounting, Intermediate Accounting 1, Finance, Information systems, and Yoga. I had Yoga last night, and I can feel EVERY muscle in my back. I don't sit up straight because I have such a large chest that my top half just gives up. I feel great, so I am looking forward to continuing it and feeling awesome for the wedding.. The rest of the course load is a bit intensive though. A lot to do, a lot of time to focus and I hope I can do it because next sesmster I am hoping to add a class to this same schedule. Tax Accounting, Yoga, Intermediate Accounting 2, some kind of science, marketing, Auditing, and one other class. If I can pull of A- to B- I will keep a 7 class semester spring. If not, it will have to be 6. Which questions my graduation semester. I can do it though.

Wedding stuff. Oh... wedding. So the concern I have about the cake MAY be resolved. I contacted my friend's sister. Her mom is the baker I have been trying to get in touch with. She said she will have her mother call me, so if that happens this week I will be really excited. Just 40 days till my wedding. FORTY DAYS!! Can I get another month please??? LOL. I am truly going to miss all the planning, but I don't like it too much right now. I had a meeting with my venue coordinator, and they added a stage to the one corner of the room. At first I was very concerned and upset, that it was going to detract from the room, take up space and just cause problems. Well we found a great solution. The head table will be placed on the stage. And our "head" table with be a 10 seater round top. It wouldn't hold a square/rectangular table, and I didn't want a sweethear table, so we got exactly what we wanted. We have only received 35 RSVP's, for a yes. That means there is still about... 100 people out there who haven't responded.

And here is a question, which I will probably pose to the wedding communities but I thought I would ask you guys first: I have people I wanted to invite, but couldn't because family literally took up our entire guest list. We could invite them now, and have the $$ for them as we already budgeted for other people, but I have no more invitations. Well.. I have invitations, I have no more envelopes. So do I get cheap invitations that are nothing like our other ones, hand them invitations without envelopes (they are pocketfolds so they wouldn't just be getting one piece of paper, or do I send them a nice email? These people are already well aware of the size of my family, so they weren't even expecting invitations, so this will be a nice surprise for them.

Weight!!!!! I am down to 267. Yes.. 20 lbs I have lost in just 3 weeks. I didn't take my medicine one day because it was too late and I would have been up till 6 AM with the need to do a billion things.. and I see my problem. I am constantly feeling a need to eat. Sometimes I am hungry, but it isn't always, because the amount I ate that one day was rediculous. It was probably about 3,000 calories. Right now I can take about 1,400 calories. When I don't take the medicine my stomach feels like a bottomless pit. I can't function and the only thing I can think about is food. I don't know it if is a mental process, or if my brain and my stomach just aren't working together, but thats my problem. I have to see my doc on 10th again, to review if I should continue with the medicine, and I am going to ask that I do... but I am going to ask her about that. I know that is my problem so I just need to find an answer, and quick, because I can not be 200+ for my life. I will not have that happen.

Alright! I think that is all I have for now. It's a lot. thanks for sticking through it.. lol.

Aug. 13th, 2010

nice things.

Weight Loss and Weddings.

I have been trying to lose weight for... well forever. I've done every diet, tried a ton of exercises, and nothing. So my doctor put me on Metformin, but my body was not having it. AT ALL. I was in the bathroom just minutes after eating, and I still was able to gain 7 lbs. My doc decided to go a little more drastic. Phentermine. And its working. Already two days in and I see a difference.

Day 1.
Breakfast- 1/2 bowl of mini wheats
Lunch- meatloaf and mac & cheese
Dinner- Grilled Chicken Salad
Snack 1- homemade strawberry banana smoothie
Snack 2- 6 frozen strawberries

Day 2.
Breakfast- (actually at lunch time-when I got hungry) - Garlic knot
late Lunch- 1 slice of pizza.
Dinner- salad and 1/2 cup of chili
Snack 1- smoothie
snack 2- pretzel and 4 fresh strawberries

I started the end of Tuesday- the first day, at 287.

Today I weighed in at 279. It's a big drop, and I imageine that eventually it will taper off, but if I can get my body to NOT need food all the time I can lose weight. That is my biggest problem. I am always hungry. I almost have a compulsive need to eat.

Weddings!
Oh my goodness, so many things are coming along so well and I am so happy. Except the cake. It's still up in the air, and I may end up with cupcakes. CUPCAKES. Do not want. No offense to anyone who choses this. It's just not my style or what I wanted. I found cheap candy online, and am ordering 25 lbs!!! I have to wait till its cooler, otherwise they can melt.. I still have 3 invites to send out. A man I've never met and fought with about politics for hours, my great Aunt Emma who is awesome, and President Obama and the First Lady. How do I address to the President. Mr. and Mrs. President Barack Obama? Apparently they send a nice letter of Congrats, and I think that would be something great to have. Especially for a President I voted for.

Anyone interested you can find my awesome beautiful absolutely amazing guestbook here. These are the pictures from our engagement/family session with our photographer. They are AWESOME.

Aug. 8th, 2010

nice things.

(no subject)

Crazy updates...

Aeline leaves tomorrow to go back home. She WILL be here for the wedding. We got verification from her school that she can miss three days, we told her mother, and we verified she wants to be here. So guess WHAT... we are sending the notification to her mother "writeen notification" and buying her ticket. If her mom plays games... back to court we go.

Throughout her visit we went to the Baltimore Aquarium, the Statue of Liberty, FAO Schwarz, The US Capitol, The Washington and Lincoln Monument, Georgetown Cupcakes (The DC Cupcake show), and like a few other great places. OH the PIttsburgh Carnegie Science Center, and Hershey Park. We got to spend a lot of time with her and getting to know her and it was great. This past week Joe took off work completely unpaid to just spend the time with Aeline, and I thought that was great. I find family to be very much more important than money, and it sucks financially, a little, well... will, but I am Ok with that.

Wedding!!!

Invitations went out, and I loved them. I edited the wording just a little, and I got a great little message from my grandma that she loved the wording and she had never seen something nice. She said, "I sure like your invitation the wording sure is very nice have not ever had one quite as nice.  You are really sombody else you really surprise me." That was a little pick me up!

Joe's dad is totally pissing me off. He wanted to spend 25-30$ per plate on lasanga, or chicken for the rehersal dinner. I thought that was totally BS, and I said no.. if we are going to do something for like 20$ for just ya know... 30 people.... I want it to be something I want. So we came up with a really lounge feel idea with a laid back buffet... pizza, wings, and salad, and then after dinner enjoying the pool that is in the hotel. It cost about 20$ per person and he is being all shitty about that. Like, WTF.. Go ahead and have your 30$ stuffy stuck up dinner and you can just run the whole thing. DICK.

Ugh.

For bridesmaid gifts I think I am getting my sister a coach wristlet, a necklace, and a giftcard. My friend is getting her dress, a necklace and a giftcard (her dress cost me 30$). The boys are getting their shoes - chucks, and one is getting a barware set, and the other is probably getting a grilling set. These fit the people to a T I think.

Cake-ok... can I just scream about this!!! My sister recommended this person she used to work with. I have called this woman THREE times and she hasn't called me back once. So I guess my sister is putting the lean on her to get her to communicate with me or her.

Ceremony readings have not been finalized, and I am starting to think about that.. it should have been done for a while now... GRR..

Candy buffet is coming together... well sorta. I am freaked about the cost of that!

Place cards. So my coordinator came up with this cute idea. Take the take-out boxes (for the buffett) and put a hanging namecard on them with ribbon. I love the idea.. Joe does too. So glad I will post pictures when I actually get one put together.

I think that is all I have right now. I just wanted to share some with my friends list.

Jul. 24th, 2010

nice things.

You know when you are from...

Stole this from devils_sidekick and it looked fun. But I added some Pittsburgh based one at the end.. because I love Pittsburgh, and it has a special place in my heart.
1.) Go to google and type in "You know you're from [your state] when..."
2.) Cut and paste the list
3.) Bold or italicize items that apply to you.

• You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."
• You say the correct pronunciation LANG-kist-er instead of the mispronounced Lan-CAST-er, and LEB-en-in instead of the equally incorrect Leb-a-NON.
• You know the only way to make good fastnachts is to cook them in LARD.
• You live within two miles of a plant that makes potato chips, corn chips,pretzels, candy, or ice cream, or that packages turkeys, beans, or bologna.
• You can stop along the road to buy fruits, vegetables, or crafts on the "honor system."
• You know what REAL pot pie is.
• YOUR turkey has "filling," not "stuffing," and most certainly, NOT "dressing."
• You know that chicken corn soup from a fire house is the most nearly perfect food on earth.
• You say things like, "Outen the lights," "I'm calling off today," and "They're calling for snow." (everything but that first one. I say, "turn out the lights"
• You've heard of distelfinks and hex signs.
• You only buy your beer and soda by the case.
• You think the roads in any other state are smooth.
• You know the Penn State cheer, and although you've never attended PennState, you are a most obnoxious Penn State fan. (WE ARE...ANNOYING!)- I Know the cheer, I go to school, I'm not a fan.
• Hearing horses clopping down a paved street doesn't bring you to the window to see what's going on outside.
• You never see any Confederate Flags, except on the Gettysburg Battlefield.
• You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva.
• You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.
• School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district.
• When someone says 1972, you think "Agnes," and when someone says 1979, you think "TMI."
• You call sloppy joes "barbecue."
• When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand.
• You can give directions to Intercourse with a straight face.
• Know that Yuengling is pronounced "Ying-ling," and believe that it really is a premium beer (which comes from growing up on Schlitz and Iron City).
• Have the Rolling Rock bottle memorized: "From the glass lined tanks of Old Latrobe, we tender this premium beer for your enjoyment. . . . "
• Know that Wilkes-Barre is pronounced "Wilks Berry."
• Can pronounce "Knoebels."
• Can pronounce (or spell) "Schuylkill."
• Live for summer, when street fairs signal the beginning of funnel cake season.
• Have a day off school on the Monday after Thanksgiving, which is the first day of hunting season.
• Never have to worry about being stuck in a ditch when it's snowing. -someone in a 4WD pickup with tow chains will be along shortly.
• Elect pro-life Democrats and pro-choice Republicans for Governor (i.e., Casey and Ridge)
• Frequently go "with," e.g., "You going to the market? Mind if I come with?"
• Refer to something as "a whole nother," e.g., "That's a whole nother issue."

And the Pittsburgh ones!
• The plural of "you" is "youns."
• Most sentences end with "an'at" (abbreviated from "and that") -- I'm still not sure of the derivation, but it's the local version of "and stuff" or "and so on."
• You HOOVER, you don't vaccuum.
• You get sodie-pops.
• You only own three spices: salt, pepper, ketchup.
• You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
• You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
• You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
• Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
• You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
• You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
• Your snowblower gets stuck on your roof.
• The local paper covers National and International headlines on 1/4 page but requires six pages for sports.
• You think the start of deer hunting is a National Holiday.
• You head south to go to your cottage.
• You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
• You find -20F "a little" chilly.
• The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
• You know the four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.
• The municipality buys a Zamboni before a school bus.
• You don't understand how anyone could watch a football game without ethier halupki, halushki, or kielbosa.
• You remember fondly days of youth known as "Snow Days".
• You don't understand why all sports commentators don't sound more like Cope.
Words like: gumband; buggy; hoagie; chipped ham; and pop actually mean something to you.
• You can use the phrase "Firehall Wedding" and not even bat an eye.

Jul. 20th, 2010

nice things.

So... weddings stuff.

I am working on the invitations, as I would like them to go out either tomorrow or thursday. Wednesday we are going to NYC, so no time to deliver then.

But, I have these invitations that look like a million bucks, because I actually put work into them, and they are pocket folds... and then I have my ugly handwriting on the front. I can't figure out how to print them directly, so... Im not doing it that way... although it would look so much nicer.

I mean... do I do them a different way? What? Do I just sacrifice the fact that their names are in regular not ugly but not great handwriting.

Jul. 13th, 2010

nice things.

(no subject)

Can you please check out my wording.. As a note, FH's mother is remarried, but we don't recognize, speak to, and won't be inviting the step father. The only thing that will change is the invite going to his mother won't have Mrs. G___ (his step mother) listed.

Invitation wording.Collapse )

More updates to be coming soon.

Jul. 12th, 2010

nice things.

(no subject)

Oh I felt so bad for Joe this morning. For the past two or three days he has been having stomach problems. Resulting in nothing staying in the stomach.

This morning, I woke up to someone sounding like they were dying. It was so loud, Elijah was starting to squirm, and I didn't want him awake at 7AM. Joe was puking. I felt terrible for him, but I just asked if he could puke a little more quietly, because he makes some awful noises when he is throwing up.

If he doesn't rebound from this today, he HAS to go to the doctor. I can't be dealing with this anymore.
nice things.

(no subject)

How does this look people? I finally got around to it, and I think I love it. If you few people out there who care about my wedding stuffs love it, I am going to make a post in weddingplanners, just to make sure I didn't miss anything.


Mr. and Mrs. James Frentz
and
Mrs. Arlene Seng and Mr. and Mrs. David Gzesh
request the honor of your presence
as they celebrate the love of their children
Shana Marie Frentz
and
Joseph Louis Gzesh
On saturday, the second of October,
two thousand ten
at half past four in the afternoon

Appalachian Brewing Company
50 North Cameron Street
Harrisburg, PA 17101

Reception to follow
nice things.

(no subject)

We had our engagement photos today. Should come back great. Dani our photographer, whom I went to school with, is AWESOME, and she got some great shots. We kinda did it as a family/engagement photo session.

I have downtime right now, and instead of writing up my stupid invitations, I am watching Trueblood and being silly online...

OH I think I might get to it soon.

OHHHHHH Totally forgot, something so awesome to share. Elijah started speech therapy, and it seems like she is just playing with him, but he seems already- after two weeks- showing signs of improvement. It still seems like he has a pronunciation issue, he doesn't open his mouth fully when he speaks, but I am very excited.

Jul. 11th, 2010

nice things.

(no subject)

eighthcloud has brought to my attention that I never post anything about the wedding in my personal journal. So for my next wedding update I am going to make it to my personal journal. Everyone can see where I am, where its going, and you guys can be the first to preview the invitations, AND!!!! the ceremony readings.

Be prepared for a great big post in the next few days, maybe even tomorrow, if I can get rid of Joe and the kids in the evening. Also, engagement/family photo's tomorrow. I need help with my makeup and hair, so I might make a big plea to my sister.

Jul. 1st, 2010

nice things.

(no subject)

So apparently that feeling of remorse wasn't remorse but... of whats to come. I have been on unemployment since I lost my job June of last year, because of medical abscenes. I started to go to school, and stay home with Elijah, because it was actually netting us money overall. Today, Congress voted down the extension of the benefits. I don't have any more money. I have two options.

1. Go back to work and stop going to school... or cut back to two classes a semester instead of 6. I would graduate in 3.5 years, instead of 1.5. This would still be a loss compared to where we were, but we would have actual money coming in.

2. Stay in school on the route I am on. I would graduate in 1.5 years... but we wouldn't have a second income. We have been living beyond these means for about a year, and now... its smacking us in the face. It would be ultra tight.

Let me also say, unemployment wasn't jack for me. Barely anything, but it paid 2 bills, and that was enough to get us by. Now those two bills have to go on Joe's bills, and I don't know if we have the money for it...

And then there is the wedding. I had already cut it down so much that I don't know what to do. Maybe we will have to DIY hair and makeup even though we aren't good at that at ALL.

Jun. 30th, 2010

nice things.

(no subject)

Can anyone tell me how to begin dealing with buyers remorse...

Here's my big problem. Ever since I have been on my own I haven't been able to afford things... clothes, electronics, whatever. But when I was a little depressed sometimes I would buy a shirt, or a video game. Something that would make me happy. It wouldn't be a lot.

Now I can afford to buy clothes, and I still shop frugally, but I can afford these things. Yet when I make big purchases (under 100$, Yes 100$ is a big purchase to me), I still feel the remorse. How do I STOP feeling this way?

I mean, I'm not even a big shopper. I do it so rarely, that I deserve it when I do. I mean, the last time I purchased anything for myself clothing wise was over 3 months ago, before that probably a year! I deserve it, yet I still feel bad about it when I buy myself stuff.

Jun. 23rd, 2010

nice things.

I am so proud of myself!!!

I have never been rude to people, it is just something my parents instilled in me.

Last year when David and Patty, Joseph's father and step mother, visited last summer she made some amazingly rude comments. I should be ashamed to walk down the aisle at my wedding. I shouldn't have a wedding because I already had a child. How could my father give me away when I already gave myself away.

She crossed a major line. I am not religious, but I am not immoral. She was saying some terrible things. I was pissed.

Everytime she has visited I get anxiety attacks, because I am not able deal with the shit she says. I don't fight back because I just wasn't raised that way. But recently we asked David for some help with the wedding. Mainly the rehearsal dinner. He agreed after talking to Patty, and stated I would have to work with both of them. Tonight I put my foot down. I asked that she not be involved. I informed him that I am a pleasant person, and sometimes too nice for my own good. I have taken enough, and it has been going on since the day I met her. He comes with this "well intentioned" line. No.. my mom who asks sometimes if I feel ok with everything is well intentioned. My dad who asks if I am happy is well intentioned. Someone who while stuck in a car in a hour ride who asks "Do you believe in God" IS NOT WELL INTENTIONED.

I gave one final chance. But advised David he needs ot make sure she is on her best behavior, and if any of the shit starts up again, Joe will be handing down the notification that she is out. And from then on she will be out permanently. I will NOT deal with stuff, around my wedding, around my son, around my entire life. I am not going to have anxiety attacks, that cause me to be unable to eat, causes me to sleep 14 hours, and just be miserable. The last visit was awful. I couldn't eat for the entire week before they came, and the whole time they were here. I thought I had this major anxiety problem. Turns out, she just makes me feel that ill.

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